Monday, July 13, 2009


Finally we have taken our summer vacation home to visit with our family. My husband is in the army so we ended up being far from home and we hardly get to visit. I think it has been a year and a half since the last time we came home. I guess I figured that time stopped moving while we were gone. That everything would be as we left it when came back. That is would remain untouched, unchanged, the same. I can't believe how wrong I was. Everything has grown so much. I am so jaded about me missing the growth. I wonder if it would have been so noticeable if I was here for it. Would it of impacted me as much.
We went to our home church yesterday, a church that we have attended for the last 7 years. I had build the sermon up in my head for weeks, I couldn't of been more excited. We have been looking for a new church we live now and our search has been long and to say shortly we haven't found one. So I couldn't wait to go. When we arrive at the church we see these long lines and we think nothing of it. We take our seats and get ready for greatness. No sooner than praise and worship could start they Begin with the hour long commercial. There we two guess at the Church one who won a reality show and was there promoting her new c.d. and another who just wrote a book called the power of who. Both had little to do with the christian message, however I thought if I waited it would come. It never did come and the guy was pushing the sale of his book through out his whole speech. I understand that he has to make a living but using the church the way he did just didn't sit right with me. Even mid prayer this guy threw in something about this book. There is a time and a place for everything and using gods house is not a place nor a time for this. I wanted to walk out and quit my membership. This wasn't the church I knew and loved. It had changed so much. The church of the passed would of looked down on this. After leaving and taking some time for this all to settle I broke down in tears. I wasn't sure why I was so upset. I guess I had expectations that weren't met, and I had build up the experience so much. I had to wonder if I hadn't set them so high would I still be disappointed and I answered yes. I wasn't there for this change and I feel left out. People's lives still go on with out me and the world moves with out me. Weather I am here or not. I guess everything that I have noticed that has grown and changed has given me a new perspective. I realize I have changed too, maybe not so much as I have changed but I have matured and grown. We all grow and change it is a part of life and I know this and I accept it. I just want to grow right. I want to better myself. This is hard for me to accept. After walking into my once loved church and seeing how wrong it went. I want to know how do you know if the change you are making is good. I am leaving at this point and will come back once I gain more perspective on this.

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